Category: How I’m Adapting

Posted in How I'm Adapting

Now I’ve hit the sweet spot

Posted on by One Vision

So the eye thing.

If you meet me I will become very conscious not to stare too much.

In the days of yore, when I could see a face clearly. I didn’t really realise I was living the life. Them were the days…

You’d meet someone, say hello talk to their face confidently. Took it for granted without a second thought. Why would I?

These days you meet someone and I tend not to look at their face much. Not confident doing that. Concentrating and being self-conscious too much to really relax initially. If I’m with them long enough then I’ve looked enough to see them and make out what they look like (ish) what I would have seen in the past straight away.

I’m conscious my eyes don’t look right or I’m hiding this condition from you. Or both.

It depends how near to me you are. There’s a sweet spot where I can see better slightly further away. As this, remember, affects my central vision.

The peripheral further away is a lot better. So if someone’s close and I don’t know them, I will back off or my eyes start trying to focus the hell out of themselves, by looking at each of your eyes. Embarrassing. It shouldn’t be. But it is.

By being further away I can just look without my eyes darting about.

The weird thing is.

That really close sweet spot I thought had gone… is back!

So now I’m obsessed with trying to see peoples eyes clearly.

(Stick with me on this…)

Sometimes when I put my makeup on. Looking closely in the mirror. A sweet spot appears where it is amazing clear. Don’t know how.

When this happens I just look. Hoping I won’t blink. It’s quite bizarre for me to see that clearly now. I mean like 20/20 clear.

This is the only time it happens. No blur. Like I used to see. For a few seconds.

It’s like a little gift. Makes me happy 😊

Now I’m wondering if this could happen to see someone else’s eyes?

Bit weird I know.

(Really try and hang on there for this…)

But I’ve not seen anyones eyes clearly for a least a year now. That’s with my glasses on!

It would be strange for me to ask the people close to me if I can find out.

Would have to be someone very close to test this. I mean face to face literally.

I’m not sure if it will ever happen as I already know it would be the cringe of all cringes wrapped in a cringe.

I know my mates and my sister will say… do it with me.. But I don’t think I can.

I hope some of my eye buddies understand this or this all just looks really odd!

Me looking into camera with sunglasses on
PICTURE DESCRIPTION Picture of me facing camera on a bright sunny day with sunglasses on
Posted in Funny Stories, How I'm Adapting

National Express

Posted on by One Vision

Was going into town to meet a friend the other week. So decided to have a nice walk to the bottom of the hill to catch the bus.

I needed a day Rider/Rover thingy bob. As I was going further afield. So, I counted out some coins at home. It’s less stressful. Popped them in my jeans pocket, all organised like. Ready for the bus.

The bus came. I’m looking at my handful of coins. I’m now really doubting my seeing skills from earlier. Not wanting to be too short on the bus fare and then having to panic scramble about in my purse looking for coins that I can’t see unless it’s the 50p or the pound coin. Knowing this would make me less likely to get the correct ones as I’m under pressure. I decided to scrap that idea.

Bus arrived. I told people waiting to go infront of me. This would give me abit of time to think what I would do.

Then, like a lightbulb going off in my head. I remembered my new contactless bank card. I’m a genius. I thought. Glanced up looking at the bottom of the bus to see if they accepted it. They did! Embarrassment averted. Got on the bus. Very pleased with myself that now I have this card I don’t have any trouble with pin numbers, card machines or coins anymore! Only to be confronted by a black thing infront of me I didn’t recognise.

After wafting my card all over and around the black thing. Like I was swatting a fly. The bus driver then eventually told me where to place the card.

Found a seat and thought well I least I know where to put it next time. I text my friend to tell her I was on the bus and it would be around near her bus stop soon.

Except it wouldn’t.

I looked up and saw stairs. Its supposed to be a single decker. In my panic about coins. I got on the wrong bus.

Woman on bus with brown hair looking shocked
Posted in How I'm Adapting

No dough area

Posted on by One Vision
Woman with brown hair drinking orange juice

I’ve realised I’m avoiding a load of stuff due to my completely knocked confidence.

I went out this evening and fancied a sandwich. Couldn’t read the bread selection. At all. Not even the titles. I usually rely just on titles in shops to at least give me a clue. They let me down today.

My sister offered to help. I got all embarrassed, abit upset and just had an orange juice instead.

Said to my sister “if they can’t accommodate people who cannot see properly… Then I won’t shop there” all uppity like.

Kicked off abit about it for a few seconds. But it has made me think how this wouldn’t have even affected me a few short years ago. It wouldn’t even have crossed my mind.

It made me think that when this progresses. How the hell will I manage?

Made me feel quite reflective about things tonight.

This was only one little thing. I’m not even bad bad yet.

Made me think what I’m losing. As I’m not in a positive mindset at the moment to remember the things I’ve gained.

I sat drinking my lonely orange juice and explained to my Sister that while I’m not self conscious of holding things up to my face in public anymore. Asking for help or having to explain why I need help to a stranger is still a no go area for me.

I realise I need to get over this hurdle. It will come eventually. I’m sure.

Why I’m I trying to hide it? Who cares? Bloke in the shop won’t.

This post isn’t meant for sympathy or anything like that. It’s just where I am right now.

I always said that this blog would be honest. Good and bad. So there you go.

I’ve got to remember that not so long ago I was buying horseradish sauce for my fish finger sandwich. Instead of tartare. Natural yogurt instead of cottage cheese for my jacket spud. Leaving the bottle of foundation I needed on the shelf. Just because I wouldn’t hold things up as I was too self conscious.

Now I don’t care who sees. I just don’t want pity or a flippant comment. I don’t want to be seen as any other person than what I’ve always been.

Maybe I haven’t accepted it. Maybe I’m just having a bad day today.