Posted in Funny Stories, How I'm Adapting

National Express

Was going into town to meet a friend the other week. So decided to have a nice walk to the bottom of the hill to catch the bus.

I needed a day Rider/Rover thingy bob. As I was going further afield. So, I counted out some coins at home. It’s less stressful. Popped them in my jeans pocket, all organised like. Ready for the bus.

The bus came. I’m looking at my handful of coins. I’m now really doubting my seeing skills from earlier. Not wanting to be too short on the bus fare and then having to panic scramble about in my purse looking for coins that I can’t see unless it’s the 50p or the pound coin. Knowing this would make me less likely to get the correct ones as I’m under pressure. I decided to scrap that idea.

Bus arrived. I told people waiting to go infront of me. This would give me abit of time to think what I would do.

Then, like a lightbulb going off in my head. I remembered my new contactless bank card. I’m a genius. I thought. Glanced up looking at the bottom of the bus to see if they accepted it. They did! Embarrassment averted. Got on the bus. Very pleased with myself that now I have this card I don’t have any trouble with pin numbers, card machines or coins anymore! Only to be confronted by a black thing infront of me I didn’t recognise.

After wafting my card all over and around the black thing. Like I was swatting a fly. The bus driver then eventually told me where to place the card.

Found a seat and thought well I least I know where to put it next time. I text my friend to tell her I was on the bus and it would be around near her bus stop soon.

Except it wouldn’t.

I looked up and saw stairs. Its supposed to be a single decker. In my panic about coins. I got on the wrong bus.

Woman on bus with brown hair looking shocked
Posted in How I'm Adapting

No dough area

Woman with brown hair drinking orange juice

I’ve realised I’m avoiding a load of stuff due to my completely knocked confidence.

I went out this evening and fancied a sandwich. Couldn’t read the bread selection. At all. Not even the titles. I usually rely just on titles in shops to at least give me a clue. They let me down today.

My sister offered to help. I got all embarrassed, abit upset and just had an orange juice instead.

Said to my sister “if they can’t accommodate people who cannot see properly… Then I won’t shop there” all uppity like.

Kicked off abit about it for a few seconds. But it has made me think how this wouldn’t have even affected me a few short years ago. It wouldn’t even have crossed my mind.

It made me think that when this progresses. How the hell will I manage?

Made me feel quite reflective about things tonight.

This was only one little thing. I’m not even bad bad yet.

Made me think what I’m losing. As I’m not in a positive mindset at the moment to remember the things I’ve gained.

I sat drinking my lonely orange juice and explained to my Sister that while I’m not self conscious of holding things up to my face in public anymore. Asking for help or having to explain why I need help to a stranger is still a no go area for me.

I realise I need to get over this hurdle. It will come eventually. I’m sure.

Why I’m I trying to hide it? Who cares? Bloke in the shop won’t.

This post isn’t meant for sympathy or anything like that. It’s just where I am right now.

I always said that this blog would be honest. Good and bad. So there you go.

I’ve got to remember that not so long ago I was buying horseradish sauce for my fish finger sandwich. Instead of tartare. Natural yogurt instead of cottage cheese for my jacket spud. Leaving the bottle of foundation I needed on the shelf. Just because I wouldn’t hold things up as I was too self conscious.

Now I don’t care who sees. I just don’t want pity or a flippant comment. I don’t want to be seen as any other person than what I’ve always been.

Maybe I haven’t accepted it. Maybe I’m just having a bad day today.

Posted in How I'm Adapting

How I read books at the moment.

Thinking about my Mum today as it would have been her 81st birthday. I remembered my favourite book when I was a little girl.

I’ve got a collection of Ladybird Books. #geek. Ones that I remembered from when I was a child.

The Discontented Pony book cover. Horse with foal.

This is my favourite one. (Photo above. The Discontented Pony) I was so young though I couldn’t remember the story. The illustrations I remember vividly, as I suppose my Mum would have read it to me and I would have only looked at the pictures. I was obsessed with horses when I was a child. So loved this book.

Horse and gallopers roundabout

I did used to like reading a proper book. Usually autobiographies, historical, crime or about space. Don’t really like fiction books at all. I would rather learn something real. I’ve still got some books I loved from my teenage years. Well worn but just didn’t have the heart to give them away.

So when it was too hard to read a book, book. I started to read them on my mobile phone. At least you can adjust the font. It became increasingly annoying though as you didn’t get many words to the page. You were just flicking it all the time.

Now I have a 10.1 inch screen tablet. This is loads better and I enjoy reading again for a little while until my eyes sort of say “Right, we’ve had enough now”

Either through pain developing around the sockets, a headache, or just everything becomes extremely blurry with double vision. All of a sudden. Just like that.

So this is how I read at the moment.