No dough area

I’ve realised I’m avoiding a load of stuff due to my completely knocked confidence.

I went out this evening and fancied a sandwich. Couldn’t read the bread selection. At all. Not even the titles. I usually rely just on titles in shops to at least give me a clue. They let me down today.

My sister offered to help. I got all embarrassed, abit upset and just had an orange juice instead.

Said to my sister “if they can’t accommodate people who cannot see properly… Then I won’t shop there” all uppity like.

Kicked off abit about it for a few seconds. But it has made me think how this wouldn’t have even affected me a few short years ago. It wouldn’t even have crossed my mind.

It made me think that when this progresses. How the hell will I manage?

Made me feel quite reflective about things tonight.

This was only one little thing. I’m not even bad bad yet.

Made me think what I’m losing. As I’m not in a positive mindset at the moment to remember the things I’ve gained.

I sat drinking my lonely orange juice and explained to my Sister that while I’m not self conscious of holding things up to my face in public anymore. Asking for help or having to explain why I need help to a stranger is still a no go area for me.

I realise I need to get over this hurdle. It will come eventually. I’m sure.

Why I’m I trying to hide it? Who cares? Bloke in the shop won’t.

This post isn’t meant for sympathy or anything like that. It’s just where I am right now.

I always said that this blog would be honest. Good and bad. So there you go.

I’ve got to remember that not so long ago I was buying horseradish sauce for my fish finger sandwich. Instead of tartare. Natural yogurt instead of cottage cheese for my jacket spud. Leaving the bottle of foundation I needed on the shelf. Just because I wouldn’t hold things up as I was too self conscious.

Now I don’t care who sees. I just don’t want pity or a flippant comment. I don’t want to be seen as any other person than what I’ve always been.

Maybe I haven’t accepted it. Maybe I’m just having a bad day today.